My Performance In The Current Stockmarket Was Suffering Due To My Current Situation
The Nicholas Darvas Current Stockmarket Success Story (part 54)
Fighting "Them" - these grey ghosts at the back of the mind - made me reckless. I became stubborn. Even though the current stockmarket went on beating me, each time it hit me I just wiped off the blood and came back for more. I kept telling myself that I was more than half-a-million dollars ahead of the current stockmarket and therefore this could not possibly be happening to me. How wrong I was!
It was a period of complete disaster. I lost $100,000 in the current stockmarket in a few weeks. A detailed list of my current stockmarket trading at this time reads like a lunatic's chronicle. I can still hardly believe it. Now I know that it was caused by egotism leading to vanity leading to over-confidence, which in turn led to disaster. It was not the current stockmarket that beat me. It was my own unreasoning instincts and uncontrolled emotions.
I bought stocks and sold them a few hours later in the current stockmarket. I knew that if I bought and sold the same day, I was permitted to operate with as little as 25% margin in my account. Instead of profiting from this, I succeeded in losing several thousand dollars each time. This is how I assured myself of disaster:
Do you wonder, after this melancholy table, why I shuddered whenever I looked at the current stockmarket?
The plain fact was that I was reading too much, trying to do too much. That is why I rapidly reached the stage where I could read the figures on the current stockmarket quotations but they no longer told me anything. Not long afterwards came an even worse phase. Haunted by never-ending losses, terrified by the confusion, racked by rumors, I got so I could not even see the figures in the current stockmarket. My coordination broke down. I used to pour all day over columns of figures of the current stockmarket but I could not assimilate. My mind had become blurred. This last phase really frightened me. I felt like a drunk who loses touch with reality and cannot understand why.
At the end of a few disastrous weeks, I sat down soberly to examine the reasons why this should have happened to me. Why should I have the touch in Hong Kong, Calcutta, Saigon and Stockholm, and lose it when I was within half a mile of Wall Street? What was the difference in the current stockmarket?
There was no easy solution to the problem and for a long time I was baffled. Then one day, as I sat in the Plaza Hotel afraid to make a telephone call, I suddenly realized something. When I was abroad, I visited no boardrooms, talked to no one, received no telephone calls and watched no ticker.
The solution was whispering to me but at first I could not credit it. It was so surprising, so simple and yet so extraordinary that I could hardly believe it. It was: My ears were my enemy.
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